All the Things That Never Were

I dreamt of you last night

I dreamt of you last night, you walked past and I hid my face. I hid my face because I knew it was a dream and dreams are in sleep and sleep ends at dawn and my heart, my torn and broken heart did not want to bare the burden of losing you again, like so many times before.  Yet I saw your eyes, those beautiful eyes and heard your footsteps as you walked past and that darken soul of mine tasted joy again if all to briefly.

As I feared your footsteps stopped and I heard you call my name, your voice so clear and true.  Oh the pain of being ripped in two by a heart that wants to run and a soul that needs to stay.  I stopped and turned to see you standing there, smiling, smiling that smile that made me yours so long ago.  My heart sank as it fell deeply in love with you again, as if it had a choice and I could do nothing but smile and anticipate you being near. Once again, your eyes, those eyes, for when looking into them there is not only peace, but the reflection of all you ever believed I could be. Because I loved you, because I love you, nothing brings me joy more than being what you see me to be.

You spoke my name and interlaced your arm with mine, asking all the questions that you have always asked about how I have been.  And I looked at you, feeling your warmth, looking lovingly at you, commenting on beautiful you were,  as you are, as you always will be to me.  We laughed and smile and walked, talking of all the things that never were, and I remember sighing, thinking how perfect the day had been as I watched the falling sun cast a warm sunlit glow across your perfect face.

Morning came as it always does, and the dream was done.  I believed this time I was doing well, but then as I read the news of the day a word in the page caught my eye.  It was your name, just your name, buried in the text of the page.  I read it again and again, hearing myself say it as the tears started to roll down my cheeks.  How silly I felt, it was only a word on a page, it was only a dream, yet the tears and the heartache are real and I have to start the healing of losing you again.

Posted in CD, OP | Tagged as: CD

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